Reevaluating the Handshake
Long ago, I was taught that a proper handshake involved several things. They’re pretty simple really:
- make eye contact; smile
- perform a full clasp; no premature grabs
- use a firm grasp; not too hard though
- don’t be overzealous with the shaking
- hold it for a few seconds after saying your intro (e.g., “nice to meet you”, “my name is X”)
If you were to search Google about how to give a proper handshake then you would find articles and videos that mostly tell you the same things I learned. A handshake is one of the first impressions you get when meeting someone. With the way I was taught, there is an element of sizing up the individual with whom you’re shaking hands; there’s a certain machismo involved. If the grip is too weak or they avoid eye contact it could be construed as a sign of weakness and, therefore, leaves a bad impression. CareerBuilder cites a University of Alabama study to this effect:
[The] study found that consistent with the etiquette and business literature, there is a substantial relationship between the features that characterize a firm handshake (strength, vigor, duration, eye contact and completeness of grip) and a favorable first impression.
However, a few days ago I had my ingrained notion of what a handshake should be challenged by an unassuming individual. He didn’t challenge it directly, he simply shook my hand in a way that was entirely foreign to me. His handshake had the following characteristics:
- downcast eyes; slightly bent body
- double handed clasp
- soft grasp
- barely any shaking involved
- held it for longer than a normal handshake
Normally, I might have a negative reaction to this type of handshake, but this time I didn’t. Why? The handshake was sincere, absolutely and utterly sincere, and conveyed quiet confidence. In fact, it was probably the most sincere handshake I’ve ever received, yet it goes against most of the things I’ve been taught about a proper handshake.
It made me wonder why we’ve trained ourselves to look for weakness and/or dominate the other person during first impressions instead of looking for sincerity, authenticity, trustworthiness and good will. Is it some sort of evolutionary thing; a throwback to the days when our ancestors continually fought for dominance of each other? I’m not sure, but I feel like the handshake has become an insincere, mechanical response to a common interaction. In essence, it’s lost it’s meaning.
What do you think?
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Not sure what I think, but TechCrunch thinks the handshake is unsanitary and needs to be abandoned entirely. (Yes, they saw fit to comment on the subject, I suppose you shake hands a lot when dealing with entrepeneurs.) I do agree with the unsanitary part. And I mean, it's supposedly designed to show you're not holding a weapon, which I hope would be a foregone conclusion in a business meeting.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:10 pmI had no idea the handshake originated to show you weren't holding a weapon! I could see how that could be important in some situations…as you suggested, hopefully not a business meeting.
August 17th, 2009 at 5:17 pmWonderful insights, Curtis. What you are touching upon is a great spiritual principle. The body, as an extension of the very essence of who we are, when coupled with the awareness of action, can transmit our highest Self.
It reminds me of a similar experience I had in a meditation retreat, in which we broke down the handshake process into pieces. With a partner, we just extended our hand. When I did it at first, it was just a rote exercise, with no awareness. As we practiced, the teacher had us bring our full awareness into the action of just extending our hand. And our partner focused on how they wanted to receive that hand. It was a very amazing experience, and interesting to see how a simple action, like a handshake, when offered with full sincerity and an open heart, becomes a very profound spiritual practice.
August 17th, 2009 at 5:31 pm